Rocks

September 18th, 2026

♫ Brother, is your head still high? - Me

I cannot always find satisfaction in the human form factor. A body feels like an abstractive and stochastic translation of what I want internally. I’m finding that in a conversation between two, it is really four. And in this form factor, the only mutual existence is emotion. To some degree, I feel the baggage of a body. This baggage seems to be more injective though, where its physical translation is much more definitive of the emotion behind it. It’s like those rocks that can form in a gut; they aren’t real, it’s only a manifestation of what’s internal.

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Loneliness is real, I believe it. I respect that it’s an emotion. Though I don’t think the word alone is as truthful. I’m permanently bonded to a body and I can’t be alone from it. So in this exercise, I’m most interested in the opposite of what the canonical definition of alone is. If there are instead four and not two, how truthful is the other’s translation? What do they want to say that their embodiment fails to? I’d like to say for some the form factor is actually more telling of what’s inside when their intention is to hide or lie. Joy seems to work this way too!

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I cannot reliably control the bridge between me and what physically exists of me.

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Alleviation seems to come from creation. I feel a perfect harmony when what I want to make internally is accurately derived externally. The most alleviating is to not be trapped in a singular mode of creation. It’s not always physical. Sometimes it’s sonic or just visually pretty.

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Am I alone in this thought?

- Lane